Psychotherapist answers your PE questions

Common questions from my YouTube channel. PE cures, scams, ebooks and more!

Jason looking awkward with caption 'you never come too soon?'

Have I experienced PE myself?

Yes, sometimes.

As a therapist with an interest in anxiety and male sexual health, I’m sharing insights from my professional work here. But I know those feelings of frustration and disappointment when sex doesn’t go to plan.

For a lot of men, PE is much more than a disappointing, occasional problem. It can be hugely distressing, in and out of the bedroom.

But any sexually active guy who says he never comes too soon or has trouble getting aroused – he’s quite an outlier, in my professional opinion!

Can every case of PE be cured?

Yes, there’s always something we can do to enjoy intercourse for longer.

There’s a language here that’s not always helpful: ‘we’ve GOT premature ejaculation‘ or ‘curing PE‘. This makes PE sound like a disease.

A more helpful and realistic way to consider premature ejaculation: our bodies not doing what we want them to do.

So in therapy and self-help too, it’s useful to consider our expectations. Are they realistic? Do we have sufficient sexual understanding and skills to help ourselves function?

What might be stopping us from using our skills in sexual situations? It’s usually performance anxiety.

I’ve had guys come to me in a relationship crisis. There was barely any sexual communication or touch. Both partners were tired, distracted and closed off from each other’s bodies.

The guys hoped that being able to activate porn star mode would fix this. That’s an impossible ask of your penis.

So sometimes there’s couples work to be done or additional stressors to be addressed. See my chat with couples therapist Carol Graham.

You make videos about delay products but you also diss them – what’s with that?

Hehe you’re absolutely right – I’m always intrigued by new sprays, remedies and even gadgets coming onto the market. And I’m jaded and cynical too, I know.

Jason giving thumbs down to men's performance supplements

I’d love to see a spray or a pill for PE that really works, doesn’t have side-effects and is fully tested and safe. It’s pretty much been done for ED, and labs and startups are in a race to do the same for PE.

Let’s hope. I still say ‘skills not pills’ for most issues, including PE. But we have to be pragmatic too.

Why do you talk about PE so much?

Good question!

My YouTube channel started out as a couple of videos I could share with my clients, to save time in session. I didn’t think there was that much to say about PE.

But with so many aspects to it and the importance of sex in our lives, and all the myths and products and theories, I can probably go on forever.

This desire to enjoy sex for longer runs deep. Connection, procreation, pleasure, a sense of self-control and competence, shame, fear, masculinity, expectation. It’s more than a few minutes in bed when you think about it.

The most popular content on my channel is about penises. How to make them less sensitive. Not how to make your penis bigger. The least popular is about relationship skills and sensual connection. That’s quite telling, I think!

Is this course or product a scam?

I get asked about the legitimacy of other products and channels and sex gurus. And rightly so – there’s a lot of nonsense out there.

If the marketing is using scare tactics (your partner will cheat on you if you don’t fix your problem) or massive promises (ejaculate on demand, tonight!), I’d be sceptical of that.

Also if the ebook or video course costs many hundreds of dollars, and uses countdown timers and the amazing offer ends tonight etc, I’m sceptical of that too.

Can I recommend other PE experts?

Hey thanks for implying I’m an expert! Ian Kerner writes good books and articles. He’s a therapist who talks about his own PE experience. Marty Klein is another sex therapist who puts out good content.

Ian Kerner and Marty Klein book covers

If you’d like to delve deeper into the physiology and psychology of premature ejaculation, Premature Ejaculation from Etiology to Diagnosis and Treatment is probably the most comprehensive compilation of research right now.

That’s a wrap and I hope this is realistically helpful. Thanks to everyone who sends me questions, subscribes and watches this channel.

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Lasting Longer: essential skills for men

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