If you struggle with early ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, it’s easy to feel all alone with the problem.
It’s awkward, it’s embarrassing. It’s not something we talk about with our friends down the pub. Guess what happened to me again last night…
But we can have these conversations online.
Not in a Facebook group – that’s a bit public. Probably not on LinkedIn either. But peer support for our most intimate sexual worries is out there.
There are forums where men freely discuss their PE. Pegym (now called Biohacker) is a big one that’s been around for years.
Along with lots of discussion of penis enlargement and clamps and pumps and things. This isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.
The premature ejaculation subreddit
Reddit is a great platform as you probably already know. Anonymous, popular, open-minded and moderated.
And as a therapist, I recommend this subreddit for support and insight from other guys with the same struggle. And sometimes input from their partners too.
The subreddit is called Questions and advice regarding PE and treatments.
The logo is a sea turtle which confused me at first, but turtles are a symbol of patience and wisdom, according to one of the moderators.
That’s cool. Personally I’d rather see a nice turtle than clamps and pumps and things.
Advice based on real-world experience
A lot of guys have done their homework. They know the ischiocavernosus muscle and the bulbospongiosus muscle and some of the posts go pretty deep into the anatomical side of things.
Stories of PE success
There are regular posts along the lines of “I just cured my PE – and here’s how I did it“.
Meditation, kegels, going gluten free, taking immunity boosters, PYT balm, special exercises. It’s interesting seeing the variety of things that men find helpful. Sometimes miraculously so.
Just keep this in mind when you read these posts: PE has an array of different causes and factors. What works for Tom won’t necessarily make any difference at all for Harry.
But it’s usually worth a try.
Sometimes these posts are a bit spammy. “After 10 years of struggle I cured my PE overnight with this expensive supplement or whatever that you can buy here“.
But the mods are good at pouncing on this nonsense, and regular users have a healthy scepticism. And so they should.
So with that in mind, participate and give things a try if they’re not too weird or spammy.
There are cautionary tales too
These discussions help to normalise the PE experience and give us a dose of healthy perspective. You’re far from alone, there are plenty of legitimate things you can try. And lasting longer in bed isn’t the be-all and end-all, of course.
Myths and misconceptions
Some posts rehash information that isn’t necessarily accurate of helpful. “You come too quickly because your PC muscle isn’t strong enough” or “you need to retain your semen…“.
Again, commenters are good at calling these things out. As a therapist working with male sexual health, I chime in now and again too.
Sex therapist reacts to Reddit
Just scrolling through the recent posts… stop watching porn.
Agreed, or at least stop watching it while you’re masturbating. Put your phone down and get back into your body.
What if you medically cure your PE and it leads to ED in long-term use? Good question, it sometimes goes that way with SSRIs…
Here’s a good one too: when I clench my butt, I’m more sensitive to touch and reach orgasm faster. Could this cause premature ejaculation? Yes. Don’t clench you butt, do the opposite.
I could go on. Maybe me reading Reddit will become a regular feature.
Give this PE community a go
And I’m saying this to other therapists and health professionals too.
There’s a divide between the professionals (the sex therapists, urologists, andrologists, etc) and the educators and the startups working on new medications and the actual guys who experience the problem. It’s all a bit siloed, we don’t tend to share information.
So here’s a place for more of that. There are a few other therapists on there, let’s get more engaged and informed and supportive.
See you over there, where I’m EmotionalOne9616.