If you’ve tried to tackle your PE but without success, keep the faith. I’ll explain why the things we try don’t work, and what to do about it.
Alex’s story: PC muscle timing issues
Alex read up on how to last longer in bed, and every article talked about the benefits of kegel exercises. He learned how building a stronger PC muscle helps men to enjoy firmer erections and have more control over when they come. He joined a penis training forum, where an enthusiastic community discussed advanced kegel routines and shared their progress.
As a dedicated gym-goer, the idea of training muscles to overcome PE appealed to Alex. He diligently did his kegels every day, gradually increasing sets and reps. He did them on the way to work, while watching Netflix, while lying in bed. He repeatedly went back to the forum to get inspiration and ideas from the PC muscle masters.
Alex had always struggled with lasting longer, so it felt good to be getting proactive on the problem. He’d also read that pelvic training takes time before it starts making a difference, so he tried to be patient. He knew that real gains take time and dedication.
After a couple of months, however, Alex couldn’t help feeling disappointed. Sex with his girlfriend Sarah felt the same. Foreplay and oral lasted pretty well, but as soon as he entered her he could feel the tingling of ejaculation. Shouldn’t his PC muscle be strong enough to withstand the stimulation by now?
Alex could kegel and reverse-kegel for over 50 reps, and no longer considered himself a beginner. He tried to activate his kegel powers during sex, by squeezing his PC muscle as soon as he felt himself approach orgasm. This had mixed results: sometimes he lost his erection, or he came anyway with a weaker orgasm, or he ejaculated without any orgasm sensation at all.
Much to his frustration, he just couldn’t hold back his ejaculation. If anything, all this effort was making sex less pleasurable and more stressful. Sarah noticed his distraction and discomfort too. He persisted with kegels, but a sense of hopelessness set in. Maybe he’d be an early-finisher for life? Why did kegels work for all those guys on the forum and not for him?
What’s going on?
There’s something about kegel training that appeals to our masculine mindset. “There is a problem because I have a weakness, but I can train my body to get stronger and have control over this“. There are guys in the penis training forums who seemingly dedicate vast amounts of their time to PC muscle development, often accompanied by eye-watering penis stretching and lengthening techniques.
So what is a kegel exactly, and will perineal (or PC) muscle workouts actually cure premature ejaculation?
To do a kegel is easy, and you already do them automatically. Each time you ejaculate, the orgasmic contractions squeeze and work your pelvic floor muscles. Each time you squeeze out the last few drops after urinating, you also contract the same muscle group that kegel exercises target.
To deliberately do a kegel squeeze, pretend that you are stopping an imaginary flow of urine. That squeeze, the contract and release of the muscles around the base of your penis and ass, is strengthening your PC muscle each time you do it.
As for benefits, numerous studies have been conducted and the results are positive. For example, a 2014 Italian study took 40 men with lifelong PE and put them through a PC muscle rehab routine for 12 weeks. At the outset, their average intravaginal ejaculatory latency time (lasting time) was less than 1 minute.
By the end of the study, the outcome for the volunteers was a significant improvement. At least 33 of them were averaging well over 2 minutes. When 13 of these guys were evaluated 6 months later, they were still pushing almost 2 minutes on average. The study concluded that PC muscle rehab was a much more viable treatment for premature ejaculation than medication. It’s infinitely better for our long-term health too.
So far, so good. But here’s where we tend to go wrong, especially when we haven’t been trained in kegels and sexual technique by a sex therapist or medical expert. We try to use our PC muscle to stop ourselves from ejaculating. Contracting the muscle and holding on seems so logical, right? A million men try it. Alex tried it. I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work.
In fact, repeatedly clenching the PC muscle during sex can have the opposite effect. This is why some guys find themselves coming even more rapidly, despite having a pelvic floor that could swing a kettlebell. Holding it in may work for other bodily functions (urinating, defecating) but it cannot fend off the ejaculation reflex.
Muscle contraction around the pelvic floor, glutes and whole lower body brings on ejaculation. It’s an essential, natural part of the ejaculation process. Deliberately squeezing the PC muscle stimulates the prostate, which also encourages ejaculation.
So here’s the irony: anyone can clench their PC muscle at the wrong time to make themselves come faster. But if they have strengthened their muscle through doing kegels, they will come even faster. That’s not what Alex trained for.
What works better?
Yes, do your kegels. If you struggle with PE, by all means work on strengthening your pelvic floor. Reverse-kegels are possibly even more beneficial, so look them up too if you aren’t familiar.
Training helps us to feel like we are working towards positive changes and improvements. It can be mentally empowering as part of a multifaceted approach to sexual personal development. And the physical benefits are real. Doing kegels helps us to get better connected with our bodies and more aware of the sensations and muscle tensions of imminent ejaculation.
But we shouldn’t presume that fixing PE is all about doing kegels. It should form part of an overall effort to improve our sexual abilities. In essence, this means learning to relax, lower our anxiety and become capable of managing our sexual excitement. So how does having a stronger pelvic floor help in this respect?
When we’re better able to flex and tighten a muscle on demand, we’re better at relaxing it too. We know exactly how to locate that specific group of muscles and actively discharge tension, right in that spot.
Takeaway tip: During sex, try doing one brief kegel and then relax. Focus on that feeling of pelvic relaxation, breathe and stay relaxed down there. You don’t need to freeze or stop moving, just move with pelvis relaxed.
Don’t wait until the point of no return to try this. Get into the habit of relaxing your pelvis and midsection frequently during sex. When you are approaching the point of orgasm and you want to stay in control, fully relax without doing a kegel first. This might take practise, but it’s a very effective way to lower your sexual excitement in the moment.
Alex continued with moderate kegels to keep his PC muscle in shape. When he was having sex with Sarah, he would try to stay as relaxed as he could. They enjoyed finding positions that helped make this possible and seeing just how long Alex could go. He would kegel during sex to help activate the relaxation response and completely let go.
What Alex didn’t do was try to delay ejaculation through sheer kegel-power. Assisted by deeper breathing and broadening his sexual focus, Alex was able to relax into sex. He didn’t need to read any more forum threads about kegel mastery.