Do women have it easier when it comes to sex? A lot of guys seem to think so, especially guys who struggle with their erections or coming too soon. They feel like all the pressure to make sex a success is on them.
Women have plenty to contend with before and during sex: painful intercourse sometimes, dryness, difficulty reaching orgasm and indeed the opposite – reaching orgasm too quickly.
Yes, early orgasm is a thing for women too
For men, orgasm and ejaculation are actually two separate physiological processes: orgasm is that intense burst of pleasure, and ejaculation is the expulsion of semen.
For most guys, both happen simultaneously. And when guys talk about premature or early ejaculation, they are talking about early orgasm too. It all happens sooner than they would like. If this happens with regularity, it can certainly feel problematic for men and their partners.
For women, we’re talking about orgasm happening too soon. This is the intense spasms of pleasure that last for around 20-35 seconds.
Yes, females do produce fluid and this is sometimes called ejaculation, but it’s a very different function to male ejaculation of course. It doesn’t coincide with orgasm as regularly as it does for guys.
And then there’s female squirting, which porn and sex guru YouTubers have hyped up into a hot-topic phenomenon.
Squirting is far from a regular part of female orgasm – even if a portion of the male demographic is completely obsessed with making it happen.
BUT – I hear men ask – surely if a women orgasms too soon, she can just hang in there and maybe she’ll even have another one? It’s easy, no?
Well, no it isn’t. In a 2012 research study, 40% of the 500 female participants reported that they had experienced at least one sexual episode where they reached orgasm more quickly than desired.
14% said that they experienced this problem with some frequency. And 3% experienced it so often that they regarded it as a problem, a sexual dysfunction.
The research referred to this problem as FPO – Female Premature Orgasm.
When we’re talking about premature ejaculation as experienced by a guy, one of the main considerations is whether it bothers him. If it doesn’t cause him distress, it might not be considered a problem regardless of how long he lasts.
Female partners often prioritise other sexual needs and desires, and the duration of intercourse isn’t necessarily a big deal for them either.
But in this study, most of the women who experienced early orgasm themselves found it quite upsetting. Similar to the feelings of frustration that men experience when they go off too soon.
Why is early orgasm problematic for women?
Well, for starters:
- Women often experience intense sensitivity after orgasm, and they need to take a break. This is awkward when their partner wants to keep going.
- This can become physically uncomfortable or downright painful, so they fear it happening and it plays on their minds during sex. It has the potential to completely compromise women’s sexual pleasure.
What can women who regularly experience female premature orgasm do?
A lot of the advice is similar to lasting longer advice for men:
- Masturbate and get to know your body. Find the type of stimulation that really works for you and incorporate it more into partnered sex.
- During intercourse, mix things up and stop and start again. Take breaks to cool down.
- SSRI medication is prescribed for men with PE, and it has the same side-effect for women too. It delays the onset of orgasm. I’d suggest there are better approaches to this – for women and men – but it’s an option. If you’re female, speak to your doctor about this and don’t buy dapoxetine aka Priligy on the internet – it’s safety for women has not been established.
- A good approach when orgasm happens too soon, for women and men: stay with your partner and help them to finish in other ways. A lot of intense pleasure can be given and received in this way.
So there we have it – FPO – female premature orgasm. Who’d have thought it? Well, 40% of women seemingly have.
I think it’s useful for guys to be aware of this, and to discuss these experiences with their partners.
If you’re a man who struggles with PE, here’s even more evidence that you’re not alone with the frustration of trying to hold on. And the performance anxiety and the relationship distress that can easily disrupt our connection and pleasure.
And it helps to balance out some of the most negative thoughts guys can have about their own capability.
If a women orgasms earlier than desired, and struggles with it on multiple occasions, is she any less of a woman? Of course not, we wouldn’t think that for a moment. So let’s not label ourselves in these terms, OK?